You can start developing the habit of gratitude with this bundle which contains downloadable pdf's: -weekly templates -attractive Binder Cover -Reflection sheet template to use as many times as you want -Gratitude Jar labels
Today, I would like to practice gratitude towards people who have, in some way or other, left a favorable impression on me and remember them with fondness.
Those who may have shown kindness, integrity, or gone the extra mile for me.
Gratitude for my dad
My dad-the hardest thing is to limit dad to a few short paragraphs! An incredible man who loved his family and community.
After his death, all the Hungarian clubs in Victoria that mushroomed from the first club he started, stood for 5 minutes silence in his honour, even though he had been off the scene for more than 30 years when he died at 86.
He left Europe to give us a better life and built a tiny bungalow for us to live in while he built our first brick home.
He was responsible for bringing out all our family, giving them free board and food until they could be independent.
The words 'nuclear family' meant nothing to us as we were always surrounded by a huge family, as well as community.
Dad also helped other young men and couples who migrated to Australia. They were always included in family outings and our combi van was always full of people and food.
He built up small businesses as a greengrocer and had a thriving fish and chips business. His days started mostly at 3.30 am to go to the market and home at 6pm.
He was a homing pigeon and always happy to be home, but sometimes did visit his brothers' families who lived in the same street or area, most of the time.
He never charged the family for food they took from our shops.
As the family did not have cars in the early days, he would do the rounds and pick up all my cousins and drive us to school.
He never complained about being tired, and when we were old enough to go out to functions, he would eat, have a shower and get ready to take us out and wait around somewhere until it was time to pick us up after parties, etc.
He always knew how to cut costs but give people a great feed. In his fish and chips business, he made his own fish cakes and they were so popular.
On Fridays, I had to help as the shop was bulging at the seams with people and the cue went outside the door and down the side street alongside our side fence.
We had two fish and chips shops on either side of us, just a short distance away- empty, of course!
Later in life, he became a real estate agent. I remember a time when the interest rates were very high in the 1970/80's and it was common for young couples to get second mortgages on top of a first mortgage.
A young couple wanted to buy a house from dad but he refused to sell it to them as he looked over their finances, and said that a second mortgage would ultimately lead them to lose their house and put pressure on their marriage.
The bank had okayed them for the two loans, as they did in those days!
There is so much more to dad, but the loveliest memory was when he would take mum to the station to go to work in the early morning.
I would hear a clatter in the kitchen and he would bring me breakfast in bed, with a cup of coffee and a rose in a small vase. He always said 'a rose for a rose.'
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Mostly, and unfortunately, the majority of my teachers were stressed, mean, or just interested in getting information across.
The teachers that I have fond memories of were those who were able to get off their pulpits and show kindness and have a little 1:1 moment while teaching.
Just reading what I have written, I wonder why I actually liked school!
My Grade 6 teacher
She was a nun and the kindest one in my four years at catholic school. Nuns could be tough ladies!
I don't remember her hitting us, as part of normal practise at the time, when they were annoyed at someone's antics.
Often, the whole class copped it so we would get angry at the culprit and put peer pressure on him( yes, it was always a 'him').
My family went overseas for three months so she would sit with me every day, before we went, and taught me what I needed to learn.
Looking back, I would have done well with homeschooling as I was a quick learner and enjoyed the 1:1 sessions.
Mr. Pavlov
Mr. Pavlov was a Russian teacher who was a mixture of strictness but funny! He could get angry but no one was really scared of him.
If the boys got on his nerves, he called them 'potatoes' and they knew they were out of line.
I remember his kindness- when he roved the classroom, he always spoke kindly to me and asked me how I was going.
I was not backward in maths but I certainly was not super confident.
If he thought I wasn't sure of something, he explained the concept quietly at my desk and he always got his message through easily.
Mr. Kuhne
Another maths. teacher who struck terror in us all!
Everything was black and white and there were no excuses.
He told us the rules on the first day and stuck to them.
He took a lineup area and everyone rushed to be on time as even talking to a Principal etc was no excuse- you just had to be lined up on time.
What a nice surprise to find how patient he was on a 1:1 basis, and he made maths so easy to understand that I actually enjoyed it.
He was kind on a 1:1 basis and was patient with students who needed some support.
He just did not tolerate rudeness and those who wasted time in class.
Mr. Jones
My art teacher who was just a nice guy. You did not have to be good at art, just enjoy it. He was one of the only teachers, in that era, who allowed us to stay inside at lunchtime.
Miss Simpson
My English teacher for both English and English Literature. When I was a teenager, a lot of learning was 'chalk and talk', with copying from the board or answering questions on paper.
I remember being very upset as Miss Simpson would come in, sit on top of a desk, and just talk or fire questions at us. I was so concerned that my exercise books were empty!
She was encouraging us to think and talk, express our views. Our results were phenomenal- with the majority of our class receiving A's in our final year. This enabled me to get into the college of my choice.
Miss Helen Welsh
Vice-principal at one of the schools where I do a substantial amount of casual teaching.
Helen has been so kind and this has enabled me to have lots of work, especially working in the grade 1/2/3 area.
She has respect for my experience and, as she asks for me by name when she rings the agency, she has given me a high profile as the agency has said that I am the only teacher that is requested by name!
I am now an ambassador for the agency.
Rahul and Sheetal
The parents of two young students who I tutor, they are doctors and lead a very busy life as they are on call.
They tell me how they appreciate how I teach their children and asked, this past Christmas, if I would mind if they gave me a raise in pay!
The resident doctor who saved my life.
I was five months pregnant and was taken to hospital with appendicitis.
I had a high pain threshold but I remember the incredible pain. I was taken in about 9 pm and they were waiting for a doctor to arrive- a Mr., not just a DR.!
Well, he just didn't arrive and they had to keep changing the time of my operation.
Finally, he arrived and it was about 2.30 pm next day that I was taken into theatre. By that time, my appendix had burst and the pain was escalating and I just wanted to escape the incredible pain.
The nurses said, with glints in their eyes, how lucky I was to have this doctor operating on me.
Well- Mr. arrived! He walked into the theatre (I was still conscious) and walked over to the nurses where there was a bit of giggling going on. Not even a look at me.
The last thing I remember was the resident doctor being very angry and shouting to others to get me ready for the operation as I was in a bad way.
Well, that week I had round-the-clock checks every 10 minutes. I remember not being able to open my eyes at one point but hearing what was going on around me.
I remember a very high level of pain. I just wanted the pain to end.
I remember feeling that I could just slip away and then, feeling so scared that I could die, I talked myself into positive thinking mode- you will survive, the team in hospital will look after you etc.
When I left the hospital, the matron and the doctor talked to me separately and said that I had been so ill that it was a miracle that I was still alive.
They actually used the word 'miracle'. So the feeling I had that I could pass on was real!
They also said that there was no word to describe my baby surviving the operation and my subsequent level of illness. They had expected both of us to die. Yes, they actually said 'die'.
My friend, Rob!
My friend who has stuck by me when I went through a bad depression and was close to a breakdown after my dad died and the family went to pieces.
He was there holding my hand when the doctor and nurse were trying to get my heartbeat back to normal, as they said I was having a heart attack, stress-induced.
He never judged me and understood what I was going through.
Who are you grateful for? Who are your 'standout' people that left their mark on you? I'd love you to share your memory with me.
I decided to find out how gratitude contributes to wellness as there are many memes and printables focusing on gratitude.
Have we ever thought about gratitude and its importance to us as a society?
*If you wish to go straight to the Gratitude Bundle offer, scroll down to the end of this post.
What is gratitude?
Gratitude is a social emotion and it connects us to our social world.
It is directed at someone who has helped us in some way and it can range from a simple act of someone offering their seat on public transport to lifelong gratitude for an act of kindness that may have had grand repercussions to someone, such as an act that may have saved someone's life.
The power of gratitude is its ability to build repricocity in others so if you practise gratitude towards others, they are more inclined to reciprocate gratitude themselves.
Gratitude becomes a circular event that connects us socially, with warm feelings towards other human beings.
Scientific research has shown that practising gratitude, with you being the giver or receiver, stimulates the frontal cortex of the brain and this sets a chain reaction that ultimately leads to a boost in our mental wellbeing.
Practising gratitude helps us become better human beings by being less selfish in our wants and perceived needs, and develops humility in ourselves.
Instead of focusing on perceived deficits, such as the lack of material wealth, we focus on our blessings by actively thinking about the 'positives' in our daily and long-term life.
It is so easy to focus, for example, on one bad thing that has happened and not let it go.
That one thing masks the many good things that have also happened and we need a jolt in our thinking to put things in perspective as focusing on negatives can impact your mental wellness.
What prompted me to start thinking about gratitude?
As I spend a lot of time on Pinterest, I saw an idea that I loved. It was the Gratitude Jar, wherein you write one thing you are grateful for each day and place this note in the jar.
At the end of the year, you should have 365 memories of things you were grateful for throughout the year.
I thought it was a great idea and what a lot of lovely memories you would be reliving, that you would ordinarily have forgotten.
It is a great way of training your mind to think of something that was positive and uplifting, and that you are grateful for.
Throughout my life, I have seen others who spend most of their time ruminating on all the negatives in their lives and focusing on bad memories.
They were emotionally draining, unhappy people.
Should you make an effort to practise the art of gratitude?
As mentioned earlier, practising gratitude has a beneficial effect on our brain and mental and physical wellness.
On social media, time and time again, I have often read that if we ever saw the effects negative thought had on us internally, we would never have a negative thought again. I was listening to an audiobook prior to sitting down to write this part, and it was discussing the effects that negative and positive thoughts have on us and it made an astounding statement. Along with the claims that are perhaps expected, it said that when we are in a negative zone e.g. we are scared of bees that may be in our line of sight, we emit our anxiety so powerfully that a bee can actually pick up our vibrations, interpret our anxiety and sting us. I have never been scared of bees so that may explain why I have not been stung, even though there were plenty of bees around as I grew up.
I have decided to add this in as an interesting fact, and you may or not believe it!
One article went into depth about how a negative thought triggers a set of physical reactions within our body and it was staggering to read how many reactions our bodies experience, without us being aware of the potentially harmful chemical surges within our body.
Having negative thoughts sets a train of events inside our bodies that we cannot fully perceive as it is invisible to us.
So it is valuable to train yourself to practise gratitude until it becomes a habit.
I have witnessed a total lack of gratitude in others who are unable to say 'thank you' for a present or unexpected handout, for time spent helping them or mentoring them in a new job and they are negative souls and you can never get their loyalty. Needless to say, they have fractured relationships in life and this turmoil cannot be good for their mental or physical wellness.
If you feel you have nothing to feel grateful for or think that you are a 'half-glass empty' person who dwells on the negative, remember that :
Today
someone took their last breath
someone received news that they had a life-threatening illness
someone was just retrenched
someone lost a baby
someone didn't have enough money when shopping and had to put groceries back
someone suffers from depression in silence
someone had news that their partner had just died
someone who needs to work has a sick child but manages their family
someone has a child with a diagnosis that means lifelong special care
someone is in an abusive relationship but it is better than living on the street or being stalked
someone whose marriage has deteriorated and finding it hard to keep up the pretence
someone is having a breakdown and being judged by family
What to be grateful for each day:
Do you appreciate
someone you don't know smiling at you unexpectedly?
offering you a seat?
making you a cup of tea or coffee?
cooking dinner?
taking you out for dinner?
helping you with a project?
staying after work to talk to you?
a child bringing you a flower? (I get this sometimes from school children)
letting you go first in the queue?
someone picking up something you dropped?
So many possibilities!
The Benefits of Gratitude
The benefits of gratitude are twofold: physical and mental wellness. Some people are better at it than others so, for some, it is a habit to be acquired by practising with deliberate intention.
Without gratitude, we lose the 'glue' that binds us, not only to those we know but to the rest of humanity. Those who helped Jewish people escape from the Nazis, by hiding them in their houses, did so at their own peril.
The gratitude felt by those who were saved was a lifelong feeling towards those strangers.
Gratitude develops trust towards the humanity of others.
If people are kind to strangers, we feel safer and more secure in our place in the world.
How to start developing the habit of gratitude.
It takes 30 days to develop a new habit and this habit is a worthwhile, important habit for your overall happiness.
You can start developing the habit of gratitude with this bundle which contains downloadable pdf's: -weekly templates -attractive Binder Cover -Reflection sheet template to use as many times as you want -Gratitude Jar labels
How to master self-doubt and insecurities and become the best you can possibly be.
It is important to master self-doubt and insecurities in order to be the best you can possibly be. One of the most limiting things a person can experience in this life is self-doubt. It has the ability to keep you feeling locked away in a prison of your own insecurities.
It will suffocate your ability to explore and be free to engage with opportunities and adventures and it will hold you back from ever achieving the things that you really want. It will limit your relationships with others and can destroy your most important relationships.
I have personally met people who even gave up on wanting anything at all due to having such a high level of self-doubt. Their insecurities had escalated to such a point over the course of their life that they eventually gave up on even considering that they had any level of freedom at all regarding their own choices.
These are the people you have met in life's course who always complain about something but will find a reason not to look at solutions. When friends offer a solution, their first reaction is to find a reason not to try it. They are paralyzed and can't move out of their unhappy comfort zone.
This is a terrible place to find ourselves in and it causes a person to live a life that has been massively limited by the illusory constructs that have formed in their mind. Fortunately, though, with a little work and the right amount of determination, there is something that we can do to conquer this.
Dominating Doubt
Doubt itself, by its very nature, is negative. It is something that denounces and turns down any thoughts of positive or action-inspiring suggestion. If left unchecked, doubt becomes a mindset that keeps a person completely closed off from the world of positive inspiration and it keeps a person confined to a self-centered and destructive ego.
In order to dominate doubt, we must first desire to do so. If we do not have the desire to at least investigate the ability to overcome doubt, then there is truly no hope for us. Reactions also become bad habits. I know people that will contradict anything that is offered, without giving a suggestion its due diligence. They may want others to think that they have already thought of that action and dismissed it. This type of behaviour also may alienate friends who feel they are not worthy to be listened to.
A person who is happy to live in a world of doubt is like cancer that will infect and overcome anyone who has even a shred of positivity to express, like a black hole, they consume all light, and there is no hope of it ever being reproduced in return.
Someone who has decided to overcome doubt though is like a black hole that has decided to try to stop sucking in everything and instead has chosen to learn how to produce and create a little light.
Without having made the choice to do this, without having personally decided that they want to become more positive, more inspiring, and more encouraging, a person has no hope of ever conquering their own self-doubt. If a parent, a person like this will also frustrate their children, at the very least, or not raise healthy adults with problem-solving skills.
The Argument Of Doubt
The main argument that people offer to encourage their own self-doubt is that they have either not been able to, or never witnessed something positive happen. For example, if you try to encourage a person to become a confident public speaker and they harbor massive amounts of internal self-doubt, they will argue that they have never been able to speak confidently in public before and so they just think that from their own point of view, it cannot be done. I can give you a personal recount of someone I knew who sent her resume to a prospective employer and most of the page listed, in point form, the things she would not do, or be trained in. I was shocked but her argument was that she knew she would never be able to do those jobs so she was just being honest.
This same person complained about being lonely constantly so I tried various tactics to help her.
The last tactic I tried was that I went to the council offices to get a handbook of community activities and short courses.
It was a comprehensive book, filled with interesting activities, courses, and hobbies. Some were free and some cost coffee change money. Needless to say, nothing was acted on and I realised that no matter how I tried to help, she would always come back with an excuse why she can't do something.
Personally, the thought of public speaking terrified me. Even speaking up at staff meetings was a painful experience when I was younger.
At one of the schools where I taught, I was asked to talk to the staff about writing conferences and how I organised my week in the class, and how I incorporated all aspects of literacy. I needed my arm to be twisted somewhat!
I was so nervous but I practised in front of the mirror and made sure everything I needed to talk about and have on display was organised, and it went well.
Years later, I did a Graduate Diploma course and the final task was to give a talk on our chosen field of interest and results in implementing new strategies in our workplace, in front of all my colleagues and lecturers. I was physically ill in the morning as my anxiety level was so high.
I had discussed my anxiety level with my principal earlier and her advice was just to do it as once you've done it, you will never be as anxious again.
She was right! Although I wouldn't relish the thought of public speaking, I realised that I have a lot to offer in my chosen field and it's all about taking the challenge and organising what you know and sharing that knowledge.
So take the challenge and grow.
Another person who doubts the ability of someone to come up with some kind of new and enlightening invention doubts it because he has never seen it done before and therefore thinks it simply cannot be done. In all cases of self-doubt, a person is living with a mindset that has experienced great limitations somewhere in the past.
Therefore, when we know this, we can implement strategies to conquer and eventually destroy these specific doubts. How do we do this?
Creationism
What I am talking about is a form of creationism that is completely and intimately personal, not the biblical sense.
It is inspirational, encouraging, motivating, it is creating and producing, and freeing. It is everything that self-doubt is not.
This works for all kinds of self-doubt and insecurity because it has the effect of contradicting and opposing every form that self-doubt or insecurity takes.
We have to train our minds that self-doubting limitations are wrong.
Eventually, the mind learns a newer and more positive way of thinking about things, because it has witnessed firsthand the undoing of every single one of its limiting, doubting thoughts.
How do we retrain our minds?
Take challenges.
In order to do this, we must either show or create a case for the opposite.
We need proof. Show yourself the opposite of your own self-doubt.
Investigate and encourage yourself to try your very best to achieve or to witness or experience the very thing that your mind doubts.
Commit yourself to the challenge of proving every single one of your doubts wrong, and if you can do this, you will slowly re-program your mind to be able to achieve anything that you could possibly want to achieve.
Use Lists
Lists have always helped me overcome my fears of failing.
For example, making a list of solutions. Prioritize this list into the most and least objectionable or 'do-able' for you.
So now you have a list of possible actions that sit in the priority order of what you will most likely be able to do.
Now, what I would then do would make a positive and negative list under some of the actions you are more likely to take.
Under negatives, I would list what I am afraid of and what could possibly happen if I take that course of action.
Under positives, I would list the good points that may happen if I take that course of action.
I call this my balance sheet of life and have used it for things I found challenging.
So it's similar to 'What's the worst that can happen?' and 'What's the best that can happen?'
Is there really something I need to fear?
Input from friends
I would also ask for input from friends or life partner as they can be a great support and see things from a different perspective.
You may also need to find out how others see you as you may not be aware that others deal with your self-image, as well.
Once again, on a more personal level, I did not have great self-awareness when younger.
Through my work with children, I realised, as I grew older and more experienced, how respected I was by the wonderful feedback I received from principals, vice-principals, and parents.
As a teacher, I worked in an environment where we had cyclical reviews. These were enormously beneficial in highlighting your strengths and people's perspective of you.
You could ask for a review, even if your job does not have that format in place.
If your insecurities impact on your relationship with your partner, your list is a great starting point to discussing issues as your partner may need to understand and encourage your actions.
There are also lots of information on youtube on creating a positive mindset and mindfulness for you to watch and listen to, on a regular basis.
I find the positive memes on Facebook and Twitter are also inspiring -a simple thing but effective! You can't get rid of a negative mindset without creating a new habit.
Follow those people who inspire you.
So daily short commitments to new thoughts are important.
Conquer the limitations of your doubts and you become a purely positive, inspirational, creative force of life on this planet earth.
Sit with your doubting mind and you will begin to fester in a world of negativity, opposition, and argument for all things limiting.
I know which path I would rather choose.
Now the choice is up to you.
Habits of Mind- Guides you can use to become a more positive, happier, confident person.
1. If you want to overcome your self-doubts, I have written a guide to help you. It has a set of worksheets. with explanations on how to use them. They have been compiled by me and have been based on strategies I used to overcome my shyness and self-doubt in my earlier years.
It's relevant to you and to your teenager or young adult.
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