Wellness: Self Doubt and Insecurities

How to master self-doubt and insecurities and become the best you can possibly be. 

It is important to master self-doubt and insecurities in order to be the best you can possibly be. One of the most limiting things a person can experience in this life is self-doubt.

 It has the ability to keep you feeling locked away in a prison of your own insecurities.

 It will suffocate your ability to explore and be free to engage with opportunities and adventures and it will hold you back from ever achieving the things that you really want. 

It will limit your relationships with others and can destroy your most important relationships.

I have personally met people who even gave up on wanting anything at all due to having such a high level of self-doubt. 

Their insecurities had escalated to such a point over the course of their life that they eventually gave up on even considering that they had any level of freedom at all regarding their own choices.

These are the people you have met in life's course who always complain about something but will find a reason not to look at solutions. 

When friends offer a solution, their first reaction is to find a reason not to try it. They are paralyzed and can't move out of their unhappy comfort zone. 

This is a terrible place to find ourselves in and it causes a person to live a life that has been massively limited by the illusory constructs that have formed in their mind. 

Fortunately, though, with a little work and the right amount of determination, there is something that we can do to conquer this.

Dominating Doubt

Doubt itself, by its very nature, is negative. 

It is something that denounces and turns down any thoughts of positive or action-inspiring suggestion. 

If left unchecked, doubt becomes a mindset that keeps a person completely closed off from the world of positive inspiration and it keeps a person confined to a self-centered and destructive ego.

In order to dominate doubt, we must first desire to do so.

 If we do not have the desire to at least investigate the ability to overcome doubt, then there is truly no hope for us.

 Reactions also become bad habits. I know people that will contradict anything that is offered, without giving a suggestion its due diligence. 

They may want others to think that they have already thought of that action and dismissed it. This type of behaviour also may alienate friends who feel they are not worthy to be listened to.

A person who is happy to live in a world of doubt is like cancer that will infect and overcome anyone who has even a shred of positivity to express, like a black hole, they consume all light, and there is no hope of it ever being reproduced in return.

Someone who has decided to overcome doubt though is like a black hole that has decided to try to stop sucking in everything and instead has chosen to learn how to produce and create a little light. 

Without having made the choice to do this, without having personally decided that they want to become more positive, more inspiring, and more encouraging, a person has no hope of ever conquering their own self-doubt.

If a parent, a person like this will also frustrate their children, at the very least, or not raise healthy adults with problem-solving skills.

The Argument Of Doubt

The main argument that people offer to encourage their own self-doubt is that they have either not been able to, or never witnessed something positive happen.  

For example, if you try to encourage a person to become a confident public speaker and they harbor massive amounts of internal self-doubt, they will argue that they have never been able to speak confidently in public before and so they just think that from their own point of view, it cannot be done.

I can give you a personal recount of someone I knew who sent her resume to a prospective employer and most of the page listed, in point form, the things she would not do, or be trained in. 

I was shocked but her argument was that she knew she would never be able to do those jobs so she was just being honest.


This same person complained about being lonely constantly so I tried various tactics to help her.

The last tactic I tried was that I went to the council offices to get a handbook of community activities and short courses. 

It was a comprehensive book, filled with interesting activities, courses, and hobbies. Some were free and some cost coffee change money.

Needless to say, nothing was acted on and I realised that no matter how I tried to help, she would always come back with an excuse why she can't do something.

Personally, the thought of public speaking terrified me. Even speaking up at staff meetings was a painful experience when I was younger.

At one of the schools where I taught, I was asked to talk to the staff about writing conferences and how I organised my week in the class, and how I incorporated all aspects of literacy. I needed my arm to be twisted somewhat!

I was so nervous but I practised in front of the mirror and made sure everything I needed to talk about and have on display was organised, and it went well.

Years later, I did a Graduate Diploma course and the final task was to give a talk on our chosen field of interest and results in implementing new strategies in our workplace, in front of all my colleagues and lecturers. I was physically ill in the morning as my anxiety level was so high. 

I had discussed my anxiety level with my principal earlier and her advice was just to do it as once you've done it, you will never be as anxious again. 

She was right! Although I wouldn't relish the thought of public speaking, I realised that I have a lot to offer in my chosen field and it's all about taking the challenge and organising what you know and sharing that knowledge. 

So take the challenge and grow.

Another person who doubts the ability of someone to come up with some kind of new and enlightening invention doubts it because he has never seen it done before and therefore thinks it simply cannot be done.

 In all cases of self-doubt, a person is living with a mindset that has experienced great limitations somewhere in the past.

Therefore, when we know this, we can implement strategies to conquer and eventually destroy these specific doubts. How do we do this?

Creationism

What I am talking about is a form of creationism that is completely and intimately personal, not the biblical sense. 

It is inspirational, encouraging, motivating, it is creating and producing, and freeing. It is everything that self-doubt is not.

This works for all kinds of self-doubt and insecurity because it has the effect of contradicting and opposing every form that self-doubt or insecurity takes.

We have to train our minds that self-doubting limitations are wrong. 

 Eventually, the mind learns a newer and more positive way of thinking about things, because it has witnessed firsthand the undoing of every single one of its limiting, doubting thoughts.

How do we retrain our minds?

Take challenges.

In order to do this, we must either show or create a case for the opposite. 

We need proof. Show yourself the opposite of your own self-doubt. 

Investigate and encourage yourself to try your very best to achieve or to witness or experience the very thing that your mind doubts.

Commit yourself to the challenge of proving every single one of your doubts wrong, and if you can do this, you will slowly re-program your mind to be able to achieve anything that you could possibly want to achieve.

Use Lists

Lists have always helped me overcome my fears of failing. 

For example, making a list of solutions. Prioritize this list into the most and least objectionable or 'do-able' for you. 

So now you have a list of possible actions that sit in the priority order of what you will most likely be able to do. 

Now, what I would then do would make a positive and negative list under some of the actions you are more likely to take.

Under negatives, I would list what I am afraid of and what could possibly happen if I take that course of action. 

Under positives, I would list the good points that may happen if I take that course of action.

 I call this my balance sheet of life and have used it for things I found challenging. 

So it's similar to  'What's the worst that can happen?' and 'What's the best that can happen?'

Is there really something I need to fear?

Input from friends

I would also ask for input from friends or life partner as they can be a great support and see things from a different perspective.

You may also need to find out how others see you as you may not be aware that others deal with your self-image, as well.

Once again, on a more personal level, I did not have great self-awareness when younger.

Through my work with children, I realised, as I grew older and more experienced, how respected I was by the wonderful feedback I received from principals, vice-principals, and parents.

As a teacher, I worked in an environment where we had cyclical reviews. These were enormously beneficial in highlighting your strengths and people's perspective of you.

You could ask for a review, even if your job does not have that format in place. 

If your insecurities impact on your relationship with your partner, your list is a great starting point to discussing issues as your partner may need to understand and encourage your actions.

There are also lots of information on youtube on creating a positive mindset and mindfulness for you to watch and listen to, on a regular basis.

 I find the positive memes on Facebook and Twitter are also inspiring -a simple thing but effective! You can't get rid of a negative mindset without creating a new habit.

Follow those people who inspire you.

So daily short commitments to new thoughts are important.

Conquer the limitations of your doubts and you become a purely positive, inspirational, creative force of life on this planet earth.

Sit with your doubting mind and you will begin to fester in a world of negativity, opposition, and argument for all things limiting. 

I know which path I would rather choose.

Now the choice is up to you.

Habits of Mind- Guides you can use to become a more positive, happier, confident person. 

1. If you want to overcome your self-doubts, I have written a guide to help you. It has a set of worksheets. with explanations on how to use them. They have been compiled by me and have been based on strategies I used to overcome my shyness and self-doubt in my earlier years. 

You can access this guide at Mastering Self-Doubt and Insecurities

If you would like more reading on how to change your negative habits and become more successful in life, then you may enjoy this article on Gratitude-How can I change my mind and become more thankful 

It has helped me personally to open doors and become more successful.

In this post on Confidence, you can read 12 ways to boost your self-confidence.

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Does Your Lifestyle Support Your Wellness? Part 1

Does Your Lifestyle Support Wellness?  

 At the end of a busy week, do you ask yourself "Is this all there is to life?" or "Is life always going to be like this?" or "Were my choices the right ones?" or "Why do feel constantly tired or unfulfilled?"

  Let's examine our lifestyle using a dual approach.

Firstly, we must understand exactly what wellness is referring to.

 Does it mean a general state of well-being? Can we be well physically but not mentally? Does this have anything to with spiritual wellness?

We must recognise whether or not wellness is suited to our life currently. Maybe we already live in a way that promotes wellness in our everyday life and maybe we do not.

 However, in either case we want to understand how well our life is suited to wellness.

For those of us who do not live in a way that promotes wellness, what do we have to do to inspire wellness in our current life? 

Do we have to make any changes or is it simply a case of doing more? Maybe it is a case of doing less?

What is Wellness?

For some of us, wellness is how we feel at a particular time and there is nothing we can do about it. 

For others, it may be a matter of seeking physical good health in order to prevent possible future disease. 

Some others relate wellness only to the physical body and others relate it more to their mental state than anything else does.

The holistic view of what wellness can be understood as balance.

 Therefore, Wellness = Balance.

When we feel well physically it is due to the fact of our bodies are getting what they need from a balanced lifestyle. 

This includes our level of physical exercise, our nutrition intake, our level of work vs play, and our personal and environmental hygiene. When we feel balanced physically, we feel well.

Mentally we feel balanced when our thoughts are aligned with our purpose in life. When we have an understanding as to what we are doing, why we are doing it and what needs to be done to maintain order in our life.

When we are emotionally disturbed on the other-hand, we say that we feel out-of-balance, or perhaps mentally unwell.

Spiritually, we have a much bigger picture to look at. In order to determine whether we are spiritually well we need to be very honest with ourselves when asking that question.

If we feel completely happy with our lives, if we have a genuine understanding of our function and position in the universe, as living beings, then we could be said to be spiritually well.

But, and this is where the importance of self-honesty shines through, we must be clear with ourselves if we feel spiritually unwell.

Do we feel confused about our way of life, or our beliefs?

Do we have unresolved conflicts with our past or even perhaps our understanding of our life, or our purpose?

Do we feel inner calm and peace that supports and promotes our utmost quality of life?

Being spiritually unwell means that no matter what we do, or where we go, or who we are with, our happiness, our wellness is only temporary. 

Eventually, we always fall back into some form of despair or confusion, or suffering: like having a splinter in our minds that inevitably, always returns back to hurt.

The Best Thing About Wellness

 Wellness is attainable, by anyone and everyone. 

Everyone can achieve physical, mental, and spiritual wellness. Bearing in mind, that wellness does not mean ‘to be in good health’. If that were the case then no terminally ill person could ever feel well.

 Remember: wellness = balance.

Even a person who is suffering from a terminal illness can feel well, if their life is balanced and fulfilled.

In order to encourage the development of a holistic wellness in our life, all we have to do is maintain a balanced way of life.

This incorporates the physical, mental and spiritual worlds, since all of those things are within us.

Therefore, with regards to the question, is your lifestyle designed to support wellness, the above will give you an idea if it is, and only you will know the answer.

If the answer is no, there are many things you can do to make changes, so make a plan and stick with it.

Reflection Quiz

Give yourself a rating from 1  to 10 for your level of:

1. Physical activity throughout the week 

2. Overall physical fitness

3. Nutrition choices

4. Nutrition calorie intakes 

5. Balance of work and play/relaxation

6. Attending to personal needs-pride and commitment to hygiene and appearance

7. Environmental hygiene-commitment to good practices within the home and outside the home.

This quiz gives you an opportunity to honestly reflect on your practices and see if they align with your beliefs.

Can you see areas of your life where you need to make changes in order to develop your sense of wellness?

Can you brainstorm how you could make changes that bring your life back into balance without disrupting the other components of wellness?

I would also encourage you to sit with a trusted person and discuss this strategy with them as another point of view is always helpful when you are in a habit of doing things in a particular way.

 Changes are hard! For example, when I was working at a demanding job, I felt like I was constantly working at home, as well.

My parents would remark on the long hours I spent working at home and said they would have discouraged my choice of profession, if they knew how much work needed to be done at home

.I had just accepted that this was my way of life but the comments my parents made gave me the impetus to change.

 So I made a personal commitment that on certain days of the week, I would not work at home.

  Find out more on this follow-up post  What are the symptoms of unwellness?

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WHAT IS YOUR OVERALL HEALTH AND WELLNESS STATUS?

Let's measure your overall health and wellness status:

Money in the bank, without good health, will limit your ability to enjoy your riches and achievements. 

We have seen hardworking CEO's die unexpectedly at relatively early ages and many are now trying to find a healthy balance in their lives.

Recent surveys show a trend towards preventative health and the maintenance of good health. 

Values have shifted and where once acquisition of possessions was seen as the symbol of wealth, nowadays the trappings associated with health are becoming a bigger status symbol. 

Green juice, for example, is seen as a signaling of wealth, status, and discipline, and displaying the accoutrements of good health is being viewed as more important than the accumulation of expensive cars, houses, jewels, and other material “toys.”

It has been shown that consumers are more interested in staying fit and healthy than they are in paying for health care once they have become sick. 

They are willing to pay a higher price for products and services, which will keep them fit and well.

So let's assess your own fitness level and your wellness status with this simple assessment tool.

  

The areas you need to look at in order to assess your health include the following:

·         Diet

·         Exercise

·         Relaxation

·         Mental Wellness

·         Leisure and Fun 

·         Community

·         Relationships

·         Spirituality

·         Finances

Take a look at the following questions and answer them by giving yourself a rating of 1-10 for each one.

Question 1: Diet

On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1= not at all and 10=extremely, how healthy is your diet?

Question 2: Exercise

On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1=not at all and 10=excellent (5 to 7 times a week), how good is your exercise regime?

Question 3: Relaxation

On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1=never and 10=daily, how much priority do you place on relaxation?

Question 4: Mental Wellness

On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1=very poor and 10=excellent, please rate your mental health?

Question 5: Leisure and Fun

On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1=very little and 10=plenty, how much leisure and fun are you having?

Question 6: Community

On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1= very little and 10=plenty, how much do you connect with a community where you feel you belong?

Question 7: Relationships

On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1= very poor and 10=excellent, please rate a) your relationship with yourself and b) your relationship with your significant other?

Question 8: Spirituality

On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1= very poor and 10=excellent, please rate your relationship with your spirituality?

Question 9: Finances

On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1= very poor and 10=excellent, how healthy are your finances?

Results

With this simple self-assessment tool you can easily see the areas of your life where you are well and those where you perhaps are a little “poor.”

·         If you scored, 7 or more you are doing pretty well and can feel proud of yourself.

·         In the areas where you scored 5 or less you might want to take a closer look. 

·         If you scored lower than a 3 on any area, it indicates that you really should take a closer look, and focus on some strategies for improvement in that area.

Even though you may be very successful in your corporate career and be absolutely loaded with the big bucks, if your relationships consistently suck or your blood pressure is too high and you are constantly running on overdrive, with a heart attack looming unless you lose fifty pounds, you might want to think about how wealthy you really are!

 As a society, we are starting to question the truly valuable things in life. 

Will we follow the example set us by the Danes, and learn to measure our contentment and happiness by the level of “hygge” in our environment? 

Hygge is something quintessentially Danish which has them being favoured as the most contented people in the world.

 It comes from the word “hug” and is a quality of cosiness and togetherness they are masters at creating. 

Alternatively, we might get on board with the forward thinking Buddhist nation, Bhutan, who use a Gross National Happiness quota rather than a Gross Domestic Product quota.

  Will our measure of prosperity slowly turn to include new values that include non-materialistic factors that contribute to our overall health and wellness?

If you are interested in self-care strategies to complement your life, you might be interested in this post What are the symptoms of unwellness?

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 You can follow Is Your Health Your Wealth page for great posts to support your health and wellness. 

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